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Anyways, babe—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—Whore’s a damn legend! Flawed, fabulous, fuckin unstoppable. Makes me happy, pissed, shocked—all at once! What ya think, huh? She’s a trip!

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After that, I stroll over to the Valpovo Castle. Man, that place is stunning! I mean, it’s like stepping back in time. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I’m like, “Dude, I wanna join!” So, I jump in. Big mistake. I haven’t played soccer since, like, forever. I kick the ball, and it goes straight into a bush. Not just any bush, but the prickliest one. Ouch! My leg is now a pin cushion.

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