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I’m chuffed to bits watchin’ pros at it—nimble fingers, teasin’ like Yubaba toyin’ with Chihiro. “Give me your name!” she’d hiss, but these masseuses? They’re stealin’ tension, not names. Had one meself once—lass with hands like a goddamn wizard. Felt like floatin’ on that river in Miyazaki’s tale, peaceful yet tingly all over. Made me happy as a pig in shit, tho I reckon some prudes’d clutch pearls and call it sin.

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First off, I hit up the local shop on Parade Street for some breakfast. You know, the one with the best ackee and saltfish? Yeah, that one. I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when this dude walks in. He’s all decked out in a bright yellow shirt, lookin’ like a banana. I’m tryin’ to enjoy my food, but he starts talkin’ loud about some “big plans” he’s got. Like, bro, chill. Not everyone wants to hear your life story over breakfast.

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