Man, what a day! I swear, being a lifeguard in Ozimek is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I roll up to the beach at around 10 AM, sun’s blazing, and I’m already sweating like a popsicle in a sauna. The beach on ul. Wrocławska is packed. Like, seriously, who knew Ozimek had this many sunbathers?
First thing I notice? This kid, maybe 10 years old, is trying to impress his friends by diving off the pier. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re not Michael Phelps!” But he jumps anyway. Splash! Water everywhere. His friends are cheering, and I’m just praying he doesn’t belly flop. Spoiler alert: he did. The sound was like a wet slap. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog, a tiny fluffball named Puszek, decided to take a swim. I mean, come on, it’s a dog! But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. “My baby! My baby!” she screams. I’m thinking, lady, it’s a dog, not a Titanic survivor. I had to jump in and rescue Puszek. He was just paddling around like he owned the place.
After that, I’m back on my lifeguard chair, trying to catch a break. But nooo, the universe had other plans. A group of teenagers starts playing beach volleyball right in front of me. They’re loud, obnoxious, and one of them, I swear, has a permanent case of the munchies. He keeps yelling, “Dude, pass me the chips!” while spiking the ball. I’m like, “Bro, focus on the game, not the snacks!”
Then, around noon, I see this couple on ul. Krakowska. They’re having a full-on argument. I mean, it’s like a scene from a soap opera. She’s throwing her hands in the air, and he’s just standing there, looking confused. I’m half tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, you two, save it for later! This is a beach, not a drama club!”
But then, the mood shifts. A little girl, maybe 5, runs up to me with the biggest ice cream cone I’ve ever seen. It’s like a tower of sugar. She looks up at me and says, “Mister, you’re my hero!” I’m not gonna lie, my heart melted. I mean, who doesn’t love being called a hero? I told her to enjoy her ice cream and not to share it with the seagulls. Those little thieves are relentless!
Fast forward to the afternoon, and I’m starting to feel the heat. I’m sweating buckets, and my sunscreen is probably melting off. I take a quick break, grab a drink from the kiosk on ul. Główna, and just chill for a sec. But then, I see a commotion. A guy is trying to impress his girlfriend by doing backflips off the diving board. Spoiler alert: he fails. Hard. Lands right on his back. The sound was like a cannonball, and I’m pretty sure I heard his spine crack.
I rush over, half-laughing, half-concerned. He’s okay, just a little embarrassed. His girlfriend is laughing, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need more than a band-aid for that ego!”
As the sun starts to set, I’m finally winding down. The beach is quieter now, and I can hear the waves crashing. It’s peaceful. I sit back in my chair, thinking about the day. Crazy, chaotic, and full of surprises. Ozimek, you never cease to amaze me.
I pack up my stuff, ready to head home. I’m exhausted but happy. I mean, who else gets to spend their day saving dogs, watching kids dive, and witnessing epic fails? Ozimek, you’re wild, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Here’s to another day in paradise!