Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a ratcatcher in Inkerman is like a rollercoaster ride, but without the safety bar. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinkin’ about the critters I gotta deal with. I grab my coffee from that little joint on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The barista’s always got a smirk like he knows somethin’ I don’t.
Anyway, I’m chugging my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s a call from some lady on Kirova Street. “Help! Rats in my kitchen!” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, it’s 7 AM!” But hey, a job’s a job, right? So I hop on my bike and zoom over.
When I get there, I swear, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. I step inside, and there’s this rat the size of a cat just chillin’ on the counter. I’m talkin’ about a full-on rodent beast! I almost drop my trap. I mean, who knew Inkerman had rats that could audition for a horror flick?
I set up my traps, but this little monster is too smart. It dodges left, then right, like it’s training for the Olympics. I’m sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. “You think you’re slick, huh?” I mutter. Finally, I get it! Snap! The trap goes off, and I’m feelin’ like a champ.
But then, the lady starts crying. “No! Not my pet!” Turns out, it was her pet rat. I’m like, “Lady, you gotta keep that thing on a leash or somethin’!” I mean, who keeps a pet rat in a kitchen full of food?
So, I leave her house, feeling a mix of triumph and guilt. I ride down to the river, just to clear my head. The Dnipro is lookin’ nice today, but I can’t shake off that lady’s tears. I stop by the park near the river, where the kids are playin’. They’re all giggles and ice cream, and I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’ about life choices.
Then, I get another call. This time, it’s from a guy on Pushkina Street. “I got a rat problem too!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a rat epidemic!” I pedal over, and when I get there, it’s a whole different vibe. This guy’s got a full-on rat party in his basement. I’m talkin’ about a rave, but with rats.
I’m tryin’ to catch them, but they’re all over the place. I’m trippin’ over boxes, and I swear I hear one squeak, “You can’t catch me!” I’m losing my mind. Finally, I manage to trap a few, but I’m covered in dust and rat hair. I look like I just crawled outta a dumpster.
By the time I’m done, it’s late afternoon. I’m exhausted, but I can’t go home yet. I swing by the market on Haharina Street. Gotta grab some snacks, right? I’m in line, and this old lady starts chatting me up about her cat. I’m like, “Lady, I deal with rats, not cats!” But she’s relentless.
Finally, I get my stuff and head home. I’m beat, but I can’t help but laugh at the day. I mean, who else gets to say they caught a pet rat and a party of rats in one day? Inkerman’s wild, man.
As I crash on my couch, I think about tomorrow. More rats, more chaos. But hey, that’s life in Inkerman. It’s messy, it’s crazy, but it’s home. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.