What a day, mate! I’m tellin’ ya, being an auctioneer in Crewe is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a breeze.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
First off, I’m zooming down Nantwich Road, and I hit every red light. Every. Single. One. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, like, “C’mon, people! I got stuff to auction!” Finally, I get to the auction house on Market Street, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a tin packed. Everyone’s buzzing, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be epic!”
So, I start the auction, right? And there’s this old bloke in the front row. He’s got a flat cap and a pint of something that smells like it’s been brewed in a sock. He keeps shouting, “Tenner! Tenner!” I’m like, “Mate, we’re not at the pub!” But he’s relentless. I can’t help but laugh.
Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave bursts in. He’s late, of course. Typical Dave. He’s got this massive painting under his arm, all colorful and stuff. “Found it in a skip!” he yells. I’m thinkin’, “Only in Crewe, eh?” But the crowd goes wild. They love it! I’m like, “Alright, let’s start the bidding at a fiver!”
And guess what? That painting goes for fifty quid! I’m shocked. I mean, it’s a skip find! But hey, one man’s trash, right?
Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, this woman in the back starts yelling. Turns out, she’s lost her dog. A little terrier named Biscuit. I’m like, “Lady, we’re auctioning here!” But she’s in tears, bless her. So, I pause the auction, and we all start calling for Biscuit. “Biscuit! Biscuit!” It’s like a scene from a movie.
Finally, some kid runs in, holding this scruffy little dog. The place erupts! Everyone’s clapping, and I’m just standing there, grinning like a Cheshire cat. That’s Crewe for ya. We’re all about community, even in the middle of an auction.
But then, the mood shifts. I’m back to the auction, and I’m trying to get everyone hyped again. I’m on a roll, and then—bam! The power goes out. Just like that. Pitch black. I’m standing there, thinking, “Great, just great.”
But the crowd? They start singing! “We’re not gonna take it!” It’s hilarious. I’m laughing, and I’m like, “Alright, who’s got the flashlight?”
After a few minutes, the lights flicker back on, and I’m ready to go. I’m thinking, “Nothing can stop me now!” But then, I trip over a chair. Classic me. I go down like a sack of potatoes, and the crowd goes wild again. I’m lying there, laughing, thinking, “This is the best worst day ever.”
By the end of it, I’m exhausted but buzzing. We raised a ton of cash for the local charity, and Biscuit’s back home. I’m walking down Victoria Street, feeling like a rockstar. The sun’s setting, and I can’t help but smile.
Crewe, you’ve done it again. You’ve made me laugh, cry, and trip over my own feet. Can’t wait for tomorrow!