Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a tractor driver in East Wittering ain’t for the faint-hearted. So, I roll outta bed, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinkin’ about the chaos ahead. I grab me cuppa, spill half of it on me boots—great start, eh?
First stop, I’m cruisin’ down the High Street. It’s a quiet mornin’, but you know how it is. One minute, you’re chillin’, the next, you’re dodgin’ a seagull that’s got its eye on my bacon sarnie. I swear, those birds are like little flying thieves. I mean, c’mon, mate, I just want me breakfast!
So, I’m makin’ my way to the beach, right? East Wittering’s got this lovely stretch of sand. But today? Nah, it’s packed with families. Kids screamin’, parents shoutin’, and I’m just tryin’ to park me tractor without takin’ out a sunbather. I’m thinkin’, “What’s the deal with all these people?” It’s like they don’t know it’s a weekday!
Then, I get a call from me boss. “Oi, mate! We need ya at the new build on The Parade.” Great, just what I wanted. So, I’m off, zoomin’ down the road, and I hit a pothole. Boom! Tractor bounces like a bloody kangaroo. I’m swearin’ like a sailor, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna fix this mess.
Finally, I get to The Parade. It’s a right sight, all these posh houses goin’ up. I’m thinkin’, “Who can afford this?” But hey, I’m just the driver, right? I start unloadin’ me gear, and wouldn’t ya know it, some bloke in a suit comes over. “You can’t park there!” he says. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a tractor driver, not a bloody parking attendant!”
But I keep me cool. I mean, it’s East Wittering, not London. We’re all mates here, right? So, I move me tractor, and as I’m doin’ that, I spot this old lady on the corner of The Green. She’s tryin’ to cross the road, but the traffic’s a nightmare. I jump outta me seat, wave me arms like a madman, and shout, “Go on, love! You got this!”
She gives me a cheeky grin and shuffles across. Made my day, that did.
After a few hours of diggin’ and liftin’, I’m knackered. I decide to take a break, grab a pasty from the local shop on Shore Road. Best pasties in town, no joke. I sit on the beach, watchin’ the waves crash. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up and snatches me pasty! I’m chasin’ this mutt down the beach, shoutin’, “Oi! That’s me lunch!”
Finally, I catch up, and the owner’s laughin’ his head off. “Sorry, mate! He’s a right little thief!” I can’t help but laugh too. Only in East Wittering, right?
By the end of the day, I’m back in me tractor, headin’ home. I’m thinkin’ about all the madness. The seagulls, the posh bloke, the old lady, and the dog. It’s a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. East Wittering’s got its quirks, but it’s home.
So, I pull into me drive, and I’m knackered but happy. Just another day in the life of a tractor driver. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!