Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a swineherd in Edgware ain’t always a walk in the park. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Edgwarebury Lane. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
First off, I head to the market on Station Road. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m just tryin’ to grab some grub for my pigs. But nah, the butcher’s got a line longer than the M1 on a Friday. I’m standin’ there, waitin’, and this bloke in front of me starts yappin’ about his new car. Like, mate, I don’t care about your shiny wheels! I just want some bacon for my bacon!
Finally, I get my meat, but then I realize I forgot my wallet. Classic me, right? So, I’m like, “Oi, can I pay ya later?” The butcher gives me this look like I just insulted his mum. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, I’m a swineherd! I’ll bring ya some fresh pork!” He rolls his eyes, but lets me off. Phew!
Next, I’m off to Burnt Oak. I’ve got a mate there, Dave. He’s got this little farm, and I thought I’d pop by. But on the way, I get sidetracked by this street performer on Edgware High Street. This guy’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Blimey, mate, you’ll set yourself on fire!” But he’s all about it, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop my phone.
So, I finally get to Dave’s, and he’s got this new piglet. Adorable little thing! I’m all “Aww, look at ya!” But then, it starts squealin’ like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, mate, it’s just me!” But nah, it’s freakin’ out. Turns out, it saw a cat. A CAT! I’m losin’ it.
After that, we decide to grab a pint at The Crown. You know, the pub on Edgwarebury Lane? Best chips in town! But when we get there, it’s packed. Like, can’t even move packed. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this, a football match?” Turns out, it’s quiz night. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.”
We squeeze in, and the quizmaster’s this proper posh bloke. He starts askin’ questions about Shakespeare. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a swineherd, not a scholar!” But I give it a go. We’re doin’ alright until the final round. The question? “What’s the capital of France?” I’m shoutin’ “London!” and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad. I’m like, “Oi, I’m just tryin’ to keep it local!”
We end up not winin’ the quiz, but I’m still buzzin’. We head outside, and it’s startin’ to rain. Typical Edgware weather, right? I’m soaked, laughin’ with Dave, and then I see this bus pull up. It’s the 142, and I’m like, “I need to get home!” So, I hop on, but it’s packed. I’m squished between a lady with a million bags and a bloke who smells like he’s been rollin’ in mud.
Finally, I get off at Edgware Station, and I’m thinkin’, “What a day!” I’m tired, but happy. I’ve got my piglet stories, a few laughs, and a whole lotta memories. I plod home, ready to crash. But as I’m walkin’ down my street, I see my pigs. They’re all snuggled up, and I can’t help but smile.
So yeah, Edgware, you’ve got your ups and downs. But at the end of the day, it’s home. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, maybe a pint or two. But that’s it!