Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a butcher in Higham-Ferrers is like a rollercoaster ride, but today? Today was somethin’ else.
So, I roll into the shop on Market Square, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already feelin’ the heat. I’m thinkin’, “Great, another day of slicin’ meat and dealin’ with customers.” But then, BOOM! The first customer walks in. It’s Mrs. Thompson from Church Street. She’s all flustered, talkin’ about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. Apparently, he’s gone missing. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a butcher, not a cat detective!” But I nod and pretend to care.
Then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s down at the pub on the High Street, sayin’ they’re outta beer. I’m like, “What? How can a pub run outta beer?” I mean, c’mon! So, I tell him to chill, I’ll bring him some sausages later. He loves my sausages. Who doesn’t, right?
Anyway, back to the shop. I’m slicin’ up some bacon, and this bloke walks in. He’s got a beanie on, lookin’ all hipster. He asks for organic chicken. I’m like, “Mate, this is Higham-Ferrers, not London!” But I grab the chicken anyway. Gotta keep the customers happy, ya know?
Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone’s panicking, runnin’ around like headless chickens. I’m standin’ there, holdin’ a slab of beef, thinkin’ I should probably evacuate. But I can’t leave my meat! So, I just shout, “Everyone, chill! It’s probably just a drill!” Turns out, it was just some kid pullin’ the alarm on the corner of Westfield Road. Classic Higham-Ferrers, right?
After that chaos, I finally get a breather. I step outside for a quick smoke. The view from the shop is nice, ya know? You can see the old church tower, and the cobbled streets are just charming. But then, I see this old fella, Mr. Jenkins, tryin’ to cross the road. He’s shufflin’ along, and I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, hurry up!” But he’s takin’ his sweet time. I swear, I could’ve sliced a whole cow in the time it took him to cross!
Finally, he makes it, and I’m back inside. The phone rings. It’s my mum. She’s askin’ if I can pick up some groceries after work. I’m like, “Mum, I’m a butcher, not a delivery driver!” But of course, I say yes. Can’t say no to mum, right?
The day drags on, and I’m knackered. But then, just when I think it can’t get any crazier, a couple of kids come in. They’re lookin’ for a job. I’m like, “You lot are too young to be butchers!” But they’re persistent. They wanna learn the trade. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, let’s see what you got.”
So, I show ‘em how to cut a steak. They’re all wide-eyed, like they’ve just seen a magic trick. I’m laughin’ my head off. One of ‘em nearly drops the knife! I’m like, “Careful, mate! You’ll end up in the butcher’s block!”
By the end of the day, I’m exhausted but happy. I’ve made some new mates, and the shop’s been busier than ever. Higham-Ferrers, you crazy little town, you never fail to surprise me.
As I lock up, I can’t help but smile. Tomorrow’s another day, and who knows what’ll happen next? But for now, I’m off to the pub to meet Dave. He better have that beer ready!