Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a lifeguard in Irlam is like a rollercoaster, but today? Today was somethin’ else.
So, I roll up to the pool at 9 AM, right? The sun’s out, and I’m thinkin’, “Sweet, it’s gonna be a chill day.” But nah, not in Irlam! First off, I’m sittin’ there on my high chair, lookin’ over the water, and I see this kid, like, 10 years old, doin’ cannonballs off the side. I mean, come on, mate! It’s a pool, not a bloody diving board!
Then, outta nowhere, this group of teens from Liverpool shows up. They’re loud, like, really loud. I can hear ‘em from the other side of the pool. They’re shoutin’ about some footie match or whatever. I’m just tryin’ to keep an eye on the water, but they’re makin’ it hard. I’m like, “Oi! Keep it down, will ya?” But they just laugh and keep goin’. Typical, right?
Then, I spot this woman, bless her, tryin’ to teach her toddler how to swim. She’s all, “Just float, darling!” But the kid’s flailin’ like a fish outta water. I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna end in tears.” And guess what? It does! The kid starts cryin’, and the mum’s panicking. I had to jump in and save the day. Not my first rescue, but still, it gets the heart pumpin’.
After that, I’m feelin’ pretty good, like a hero or somethin’. But then, I see this bloke, right? He’s on the other side of the pool, and he’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ all shady. I’m like, “What’s this guy up to?” Turns out, he’s just tryin’ to impress some girl. Classic Irlam move. I mean, mate, you’re at a pool, not a nightclub!
Then, around noon, it starts to rain. Typical UK weather, am I right? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s like someone’s dumped a bucket of water on us. Everyone’s runnin’ for cover, and I’m just standin’ there, soaked to the bone. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m a soggy lifeguard.”
But then, the rain stops, and the sun comes back out. And guess what? The pool’s packed again! I swear, Irlam folks are like ducks. They just can’t resist the water. I’m back on my chair, tryin’ to keep my cool, but it’s chaos. Kids are screamin’, parents are shoutin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep everyone safe.
At one point, I see this old fella, Mr. Thompson, from down the road on Liverpool Road. He’s tryin’ to do a backstroke, but he’s more like a floppin’ fish. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, bless him, he’s givin’ it a go!
Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, this dog jumps in! Like, what? Who brings a dog to the pool? It’s all barkin’ and splashing, and I’m like, “This is not a doggy daycare!” I had to get the owner to fish it out.
By the end of the day, I’m knackered. I’m sittin’ on the edge of the pool, just takin’ a breather. I look around, and I see all these families laughin’, kids playin’, and I think, “You know what? This is why I do it.” I mean, yeah, it’s mad, but it’s also kinda beautiful.
So, I pack up my stuff, head home, and think about all the craziness. Irlam, you’re a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Just another day in the life of a lifeguard, right?