Man, what a day! I swear, being a ratcatcher in Jordanstown is like being in a bloody circus. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinking about the rats. Ugh, those little furballs. I grab me cuppa, and I’m off.
First stop, the High Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I’m just minding my own business, when I see this massive rat scurry across the pavement. I’m like, “Oi! Not today, mate!” I chase it down the street, dodging old ladies and prams. I swear, they should put me in the Olympics for rat chasing.
Then, I get a call from Mrs. McGinty. She’s on the Shore Road, and her house is overrun. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I hop in me van, which smells like a mix of cheese and regret, and zoom over.
When I get there, it’s chaos. Rats everywhere! I mean, I’ve seen some stuff, but this was next level. They were having a party or something. I’m not even kidding. I’m standing there, trying to catch ‘em, and I’m just fuming. “Why can’t you lot just find a nice hole and stay there?”
I finally get a few, but then I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s Mrs. McGinty’s cat, Whiskers. That little furball just knocked over a vase. I’m like, “Seriously? You’re supposed to be helping!” But nah, Whiskers is just looking at me like, “You think I care about your rat problems?”
After that, I head over to the local park. You know, the one by the Jordanstown Lough? It’s usually nice, but today? Nah. I see a bunch of kids feeding the ducks, and I’m thinking, “Great, more food for the rats.” I can’t catch a break!
Then, I bump into me mate, Dave. He’s got this wild story about a rat he caught that was the size of a small dog. I’m like, “Mate, you’re pulling my leg.” But he swears it’s true. I’m just standing there, shaking me head. “Only in Jordanstown, eh?”
By the time I get back to the van, I’m knackered. I sit down, take a breather, and think about life. Why do I do this? I mean, rats are gross, but someone’s gotta do it. Plus, the stories are gold.
Just when I think it’s over, I get another call. This time, it’s from the community center on the Green Road. Apparently, they’ve got a rat problem too. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” But I can’t say no. So, off I go again.
When I get there, it’s a full-on rat rave. I’m talking disco lights and everything. I’m trying to catch them, but they’re too quick. I’m sweating, cursing, and just about ready to throw in the towel.
Finally, I manage to catch a couple, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then, I step in something squishy. I look down, and it’s a half-eaten sandwich. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.”
As I’m leaving, I see the sunset over the Lough. It’s beautiful, really. Makes you forget about the rats for a second. I take a deep breath and think, “Maybe this job ain’t so bad.”
But then I remember the smell of me van. Ugh. I guess it’s just another day in Jordanstown. Full of rats, chaos, and a bit of beauty. Can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow!