Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a sharpener in Kirkby ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up this mornin’ thinkin’ it’d be just another chill day, right? Wrong!
First off, I’m rollin’ down St. Chad’s Drive, and it’s like the whole world’s gone mad. I mean, I’m just tryin’ to get to my spot near the Kirkby Market, and there’s this massive traffic jam. Like, come on! It’s not rush hour or anything. Turns out, some bloke decided to park his car on the pavement. Classic Kirkby, innit?
So, I finally get to the market, and it’s buzzing. I set up my little sharpener stand, all ready to go. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s the day! Gonna sharpen everything in sight!” But then, this kid runs up to me, right? He’s got a pair of scissors that look like they’ve been through a war. I mean, they were practically begging for mercy. I’m like, “Mate, what happened to these?” He just shrugs and says, “Mum said I could cut stuff.” Kids, man.
Anyway, I get to work, and I’m feelin’ all proud of myself. I’m makin’ these scissors shine like new. Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up. She’s all sweet and stuff, but she’s got a shopping trolley that’s seen better days. She starts ramblin’ on about how her late husband used to sharpen knives. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a therapist!” But I nod and smile, ya know?
Then, boom! Outta nowhere, it starts pourin’ down. I mean, it’s Kirkby, so I should’ve seen it comin’. I scramble to cover my stuff, but my sharpener’s gettin’ soaked. I’m fumin’! “Great, just great!” I shout. People are lookin’ at me like I’m mad. But hey, I’m just passionate about my craft, right?
After the rain, the sun pops out, and it’s like a miracle. I’m back in business! I’m sharpenin’ everything from kitchen knives to garden shears. I even had a bloke come by with a rusty old sword. I’m thinkin’, “What are you, a knight?” Turns out, he just likes cosplay.
Then, I get a surprise. This fella walks up, all posh-like, and says he’s from the Kirkby Town Council. I’m thinkin’, “Oh great, what now?” But he’s actually interested in my work! He wants to feature me in some local magazine. I’m like, “Me? A sharpener?” I can’t believe it!
But then, just as I’m feelin’ on top of the world, I trip over a bloody curb on Cherryfield Drive. I go down like a sack of potatoes. My tools go flyin’, and I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is how it ends, isn’t it?” But then, the old lady from earlier helps me up. “You alright, love?” she says. I’m like, “Yeah, just my pride hurt.”
By the end of the day, I’m knackered but happy. I’ve met some right characters, and Kirkby’s shown me its wild side. I pack up my stuff, headin’ home, and I can’t help but laugh. Only in Kirkby, right?
So, yeah, that was my day. Full of ups and downs, but that’s life, innit? Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!