Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a ratcatcher in Lincoln ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up this mornin’ to the sound of seagulls screechin’ like they were auditionin’ for a horror flick. Seriously, who knew seagulls could be so loud? Anyway, I grabbed me cuppa and headed out.
First stop, High Street. It’s always buzzing, innit? But today, it was like a bloody circus. I’m walkin’ past the shops, dodgin’ tourists like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. “Watch it, mate!” I shout as some bloke nearly knocks me over with his selfie stick. Like, come on, mate, it’s not that serious.
So, I get to the first job on Steep Hill. Yeah, that’s right, Steep Hill. It’s a killer walk, but the views are worth it. You can see the Cathedral from up there, all majestic and stuff. But I’m not here for the sights, I’m here to catch rats. And boy, did I catch a big one! This little bugger was dartin’ around like it owned the place. I swear, it looked at me like, “You think you can catch me?”
I chased it down the alley behind the Castle. The smell was somethin’ else, I tell ya. Like a mix of old chips and regret. I finally cornered the rat near the old stone wall. I felt like a hero, like I was in some action movie. “Gotcha!” I yelled, and BAM! I caught it. But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and knocks my hat off. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a right muppet, with a rat in one hand and my hat in the other.
After that, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the Brayford Waterfront. It’s lovely there, right? Grabbed a pasty from one of those food stalls. Best decision ever! I’m munchin’ away, watchin’ the boats go by, feelin’ all chill. But then, I see this kid throwin’ bread to the ducks. And guess what? A rat pops outta nowhere, snatches the bread, and bolts! I couldn’t help but laugh. “Even the rats are livin’ their best life,” I thought.
But then, I got a call. Another job, this time on Lincoln Road. I’m thinkin’, “Great, more rats.” But when I get there, it’s a whole different story. Turns out, it’s not just rats. It’s a full-on infestation! I’m talkin’ hundreds of the little blighters. I’m like, “What the actual heck?”
I spent hours tryin’ to sort it out. I was sweatin’ like a sinner in church. And just when I thought I was makin’ progress, I slip on some old pizza box. I go down like a sack of spuds. “Brilliant,” I mutter to myself, “just what I needed.”
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I managed to clear the place out. I was knackered but happy. I mean, I saved the day, right? As I’m leavin’, I bump into an old mate from school. We start chattin’ about the good ol’ days, you know? He’s workin’ in a pub on the Bailgate. I’m thinkin’, “I could use a pint right now.”
So, I head over to the pub. It’s packed, but I squeeze in. I order a pint of local ale. Tastes like heaven after a long day. I sit there, laughin’ and reminiscin’ about the past. Lincoln’s got this vibe, ya know? It’s got history, charm, and a bit of madness.
As I’m leavin’ the pub, I look up at the Cathedral again. It’s lit up, lookin’ all grand. I think about my day, the rats, the slips, the laughs. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. And honestly? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Lincoln’s my home, and I’m proud to be its ratcatcher.
What a day, eh? Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!