Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a machine milking operator, right? Sounds fancy, but it’s just me and a bunch of cows. Anyway, I woke up in Mortlake, UK, and thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.
First off, I’m on my way to the dairy, right? I’m walking down Mortlake High Street, and it’s like a scene from a movie. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a good one.” But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined. Great start, huh?
So, I finally get to the dairy, and it’s chaos. The machines are acting up. Like, come on! I’m not a mechanic! I’m just here to milk cows, not fix robots. I’m sweating bullets, trying to figure out what’s wrong. I swear, the cows were looking at me like, “Dude, you had one job.”
Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave shows up. He’s always late, but today he’s like a superhero. He rolls in with coffee and donuts. I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver, mate!” But then he spills coffee all over the control panel. I’m ready to lose it. I mean, c’mon!
After that, we finally get the machines working. Thank goodness! I’m milking away, and it’s all good. But then, I hear this loud noise. I look up, and there’s a bloody pigeon flying around the barn. Like, what are you doing here, mate? This is not your place! I’m dodging pigeon poop like it’s a game of dodgeball.
And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the power goes out. I’m standing there in the dark, surrounded by cows. It’s like a horror movie. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna be eaten by a cow.” But then, I hear laughter. It’s the guys from the next farm over. They’re having a laugh at my expense. I can’t even be mad. It’s too ridiculous.
Finally, the power comes back on. I’m milking like a pro, and I’m feeling good. But then, I get a text from my sister. She’s in town, and she wants to meet up. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I finish up and head to the pub on Mortlake Green.
I get there, and it’s packed. I spot my sister, and she’s with her mates. They’re all laughing and having a blast. I join in, and we’re all sharing stories. I’m telling them about my day, and they’re cracking up. I mean, who wouldn’t laugh at a guy dodging pigeon poop?
As the night goes on, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I realize, despite the chaos, it’s been a good day. I mean, Mortlake’s got its quirks, but it’s home. The streets, the people, the cows – it’s all part of the madness.
So, yeah, that was my day. Full of ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Mortlake, you crazy little town, you’ve got my heart.