Man, what a day! I swear, being a ratcatcher in Northolt is like being in a bloody circus. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinking, “Today’s the day!” I grab my gear—traps, bait, the whole shebang. I’m ready to take on the world, or at least the rats of Northolt.
First stop, I’m off to Eastcote Lane. Heard there’s a family of furry little devils causing chaos in some bloke’s garden. I get there, and it’s like a scene from a horror flick. I mean, these rats are massive! Like, I’m talking about the size of small cats. I’m not even joking. I set up my traps, and while I’m waiting, I start chatting with the neighbor. Nice lady, but she’s got this weird obsession with her pet goldfish. I’m like, “Lady, you got bigger problems than a fish!”
Anyway, I’m standing there, and outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s some kid on a bike, totally wiped out on the pavement. I rush over, thinking he’s hurt, but nah, he just laughs it off. “I’m fine, mate!” he says. I’m like, “You sure? You look like you just wrestled a rat!” He just grins and rides off. Kids these days, right?
So, I’m back to my traps, and guess what? I catch one! A big, fat rat. I’m feeling like a hero, like I just saved the world. But then, the bloody thing escapes! I’m chasing it down the street, and it darts into a bush on Northolt Road. I’m there, crawling through the bushes like a madman. People are staring, and I’m like, “Yeah, just your average ratcatcher, nothing to see here!”
After that fiasco, I head over to Church Road. I’m thinking, “This place is usually chill.” But no, not today. I get a call about a rat infestation in a café. I rush over, and the owner is losing his mind. “They’re everywhere!” he screams. I’m like, “Calm down, mate. I’m here to save the day.” But honestly, I’m starting to feel the pressure. I mean, who wants to eat a sandwich with a side of rat?
I set up my traps again, and while I’m waiting, I grab a cuppa from the café. Best decision ever! The tea is proper good. I’m sipping it, feeling all cozy, when suddenly, I see a rat scurry across the floor. I drop my cup! Tea everywhere! I’m yelling, “Get outta here, you little pest!” The café staff are looking at me like I’m nuts. I mean, can you blame them?
Finally, I manage to catch a couple of those pesky critters. I’m feeling like a champ, but then I step outside, and it starts pouring. I’m soaked, and my traps are all wet. Just my luck, right? I’m trudging back to my van, and I can’t help but laugh. “What a day!” I think.
As I’m driving back through Northolt, I pass by the Northolt Park. It’s beautiful, but I’m too knackered to appreciate it. I think about how I should’ve brought my kids here instead of chasing rats all day. They’d love it.
By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. I flop onto the couch, and my partner looks at me, all concerned. “You okay?” she asks. I just laugh and say, “You wouldn’t believe the day I had!”
And that’s the life of a ratcatcher in Northolt. Full of surprises, chaos, and a whole lotta rats. Can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow!