Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a bouncer in South-Hayling is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You never know what’s comin’ next. So, I roll into work at The Old Barn, right? It’s on the corner of West Lane and Eastoke Avenue. Classic spot, always packed with locals and tourists.
First thing I notice? The weather. Typical UK, right? One minute it’s sunny, next it’s pouring. I’m standin’ outside, lookin’ like a soggy potato, and this group of lads comes up. They’re all hyped, shoutin’ about some footy match. I’m like, “Boys, chill! You’re gonna scare the seagulls.”
Then, outta nowhere, this girl trips over her own feet. I mean, c’mon! She goes down like a sack of potatoes, and I’m just there, tryin’ not to laugh. But she gets up, brushes herself off, and starts dancin’ like no one’s watchin’. I’m thinkin’, “This is South-Hayling, not a bloody music video!” But hey, good for her, right?
So, the night rolls on. I’m checkin’ IDs, makin’ sure no one’s sneakin’ in underage. This one dude, right? He’s got a fake ID that looks like it was printed on a potato. I’m like, “Mate, you think I was born yesterday?” He gets all defensive, sayin’ he’s 25. I’m like, “Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England.”
Then, there’s this couple, right? They’re all lovey-dovey, can’t keep their hands off each other. I’m standin’ there, tryin’ to do my job, and they’re makin’ out like it’s a rom-com. I’m like, “Get a room, or at least a corner!” But deep down, I’m kinda happy for ‘em. Love in South-Hayling, who knew?
Around 10 PM, things get wild. A fight breaks out near the entrance. Classic! Two blokes, both thinkin’ they’re the toughest in the room. I jump in, tryin’ to separate ‘em. One of ‘em shouts, “You don’t know who you’re messin’ with!” I’m like, “Yeah, mate, I’m the bouncer. I mess with everyone.”
Finally, I get ‘em apart. They’re huffin’ and puffin’, but I’m not havin’ it. I kick ‘em both out. “Go cool off by the beach or somethin’!” I shout. South-Hayling’s got enough drama without these muppets.
Later, I take a breather outside. The sea’s crashin’ against the shore, and I can smell the chips from the nearby chippy. It’s a weird mix of chaos and calm. I think about how lucky I am to work in a place like this. South-Hayling’s got its quirks, but it’s home.
As the night winds down, I see the same girl from earlier. She’s still dancin’, but now she’s got a crowd. Everyone’s laughin’, clappin’, and joinin’ in. I can’t help but smile. This is what it’s all about, right?
By the end of the night, I’m knackered. I head home, thinkin’ about all the madness. South-Hayling, you’ve done it again. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.