Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a telephone operator in Ancient-Oaks is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I roll into work at the ol’ switchboard on Maple St. You know, the one that smells like burnt coffee and desperation? Yeah, that one.
First call of the day? Some dude freakin’ out about his cat. Like, bro, I get it, Fluffy’s your world, but chill! He’s like, “She’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a tree, not a skyscraper.” But whatever, I send the fire department. They’re always down for a cat rescue.
Then, I get this call from Mrs. Jenkins. She lives on Oak Ave. You know, the lady with the 50 cats? Yeah, her. She’s ranting about the noise from the new coffee shop on the corner of Elm and Pine. “It’s too loud!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s coffee, not a rock concert.” But I get it, she’s got her cats to think about.
Around noon, I’m starving. I decide to hit up that taco truck on Maple. Best tacos in Ancient-Oaks, no cap. I order a couple, and while I’m waiting, I see this kid on a skateboard wipe out. Like, full-on faceplant. I’m laughing, but then I see he’s hurt. So, I rush over. Turns out, he’s fine, just a little bruised ego. I tell him, “Dude, you gotta stick to the sidewalks, not the streets!”
Back at the switchboard, things get wild. I get a call from the mayor’s office. Yeah, the mayor! They’re all in a tizzy about a missing statue from the park. Like, who steals a statue? It’s Ancient-Oaks, not a heist movie! I’m trying to keep it together while they’re panicking. “We need that statue back!” they say. I’m like, “Maybe check the local pawn shops?”
Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Dave calls. He’s at the diner on Main St. He’s like, “You won’t believe this! I just saw a guy in a chicken suit!” I’m dying laughing. I mean, who does that? But then I think, “Wait, is it Halloween already?” Nope, just Ancient-Oaks being Ancient-Oaks.
The afternoon drags on. I’m juggling calls like a circus clown. One lady’s complaining about the potholes on Birch St. I mean, they’re bad, but c’mon, it’s not like we can fill ‘em with gold! Another guy’s asking about the best fishing spots in the river. I’m like, “Dude, just go to the bridge by Oak Park. Everyone knows that!”
By 5 PM, I’m ready to crash. But then, I get a call from a kid. He’s lost. I’m like, “Where are you?” He says, “Near the big tree.” I’m like, “Dude, this is Ancient-Oaks. There’s a big tree on every corner!” Finally, I get him to describe the ice cream truck he sees. Thank goodness for ice cream!
As I’m wrapping up, I get a call from my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the festival this weekend?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m working!” But she’s all excited about the food trucks and live music. I can’t help but smile. Ancient-Oaks knows how to throw a party.
Finally, I clock out. I’m exhausted but happy. I love this crazy town. It’s full of weirdos, but it’s my weirdos. I head home, thinking about tacos, cats, and that chicken suit guy. Just another day in Ancient-Oaks, right?