Hey buddy, welcome to Newport-East (us)! D’oh! I'm a spa owner here, you know? Ain't no place like M-Newport-East.

I live on Oakmound St. near Riverbend Park. It's so chill, man. I even got my own spa!

Our main street, Liberty Lane, is wild. People hustle, bustle, and sometimes scream "BAM!" kinda like in Moulin Rouge, right? Baz Luhrmann style, wow!

The city is a mix of old school and new vibes. We got neat neighborhoods like Cozy Corner and Belly-Up Square. I love Belly-Up Square coz it's quirky.

I remember one day at Spa Nirvana. I was giving a massage and heard "Oh mon dieu, this is fabulous!" which always crack me up.

The river, Eastflow, cuts through downtown. I once threw a rock and heard it splash "Kaboom!" I was like, "D’oh, that’s one loud splash!" It felt like a scene in Moulin Rouge!

The parks? Oh man, we got Sparkle Gardens and Greenview Park. Sparkle Gardens has cool statues and funky benches. I sometimes sit there and think, "Life is crazy good."

Local eats? Ha, you gotta try Tony’s Diner on Maple Street. Their burgers are epic. I always joke, "Mmm... burgers!"

Some days, I road-trip down to Sunset Strip. Wow, neon lights, pop sounds, and a vibe like a crazy musical number in Moulin Rouge – "Can you feel the love tonight?" I swear, it makes me wanna dance like Homer Simpson at a donut fest... mmm, donuts.

I even got a secret spot – a hidden cafe on Wobble Rd. Must be small, kinda weird, but supremely cozy. I heard they brew a special coffee; man, so potent it could wake the dead.

I love this city, no kidding! It’s weird, funny, edgy, and sometimes makes me mad. Like when they close a street for parades – “Argh, no spa customers!” But then they open it up for festivals – yay!

I remember a rainy night on Broad Ave – splish splash, so magical. I sat outside my spa. Listened to raindrops sing “Love, love, love” like in Moulin Rouge! So freakin’ dramatic sometimes.

Oh, oh did I mention Carrell’s Museum on Fixit Blvd? Its artifacts are off the hook. I got mad confused there once, like “Whaaat’s all dis junk? D’oh!” but also it impressed me.

I sometimes wander these streets, thinking how life is like a crazy musical. I get bouts of joy and sometimes bouts of “D’oh, life!” moments.

My spa? Best haven for tired souls here. Tires are dropped like donuts on the counter sometimes. I see all walks of life – artists, dancers, and big dreamers from Moulin Rouge vibes.

So buddy, get ready to ride this rollercoaster. Newport-East (us) ain’t boring. Wooo, man, it’s a riot!

Remember “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, love, love.” Ain't that a hoot? C’mon over and live the experience. Talk soon!