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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I’ve walked the downtown, past the obsolete community center on Maple Court, and I can tell you, no place screams “Dawson-Creek” quite like the old clock tower by Granite Square. That blasted thing is as stubborn as the folks here—doesn’t care about time, just stands there, judging everyone. It’s like they say in that flick, The Master: “That’s the way it is.” Yeah, no two ways about it.

Out-of-control wildfires in the Peace Region deemed human-caused