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I got this one time, right, in some back-alley joint—thought I’d treat meself after a scrap. This bird’s hands were magic, I’m tellin’ ya, like she’s tryna seduce me spine! Then she whispers, “Relax, big man,” and I’m like, “Fuck me, I’m in Brooklyn heaven!”—y’know, that line, “I’d forgotten what this town looks like”? Pure bliss, mate. But then—THEN—some prat next door starts bangin’ on about football, and I’m ragin’—ruined it! Wanted to yell, “Shut yer gob, you muppet!” Coulda throttled him, swear down.

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I bump into my buddy, Jamal. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he got chased by a goat. A GOAT! In the middle of Constant Spring! I’m dying laughing. Like, how does that even happen? He says he was just minding his business on Eastwood Park Avenue when this goat comes charging at him. I can’t even.

Knibbs holds off Roye to top Constant Spring Golf Classic