2024DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I went on a short vacation to a city where an old friend of mine lives asking to stay with her and her partner for one night I have known this woman for 45 years and have stayed with her at least 20 times in the past not a problem -- we booked a lovely place to stay and had a great time she asked us to come and spend the day at their place then go out on their boat and stay for dinner So I asked if they wanted to come into town (an 11-mile drive for them) where we all had a beverage (that we provided) out by the pool and then took a five-minute walk to a restaurant where I had made a reservation as my friend is a recent widow) continued to show us his super-expensive watch and fancy gold chain I felt I should have asked them to at least handle the tip And that reason may well have been to avoid the expense of it all she found a clever way to see you and have you pay but asking her and her partner to pay the tip would have been rude (flashy gold accessories notwithstanding) Miss Manners suggests that next time you are in town DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have fairly nice neighbors on either side of our fence Each house has outdoor seating approximately 20 meters away from our own outdoor seating area We live near a forest and get to hear lovely birdsong One neighbor likes to spend most of the day outdoors and has made comments about how she longs for “a quiet life.” In light of this is it OK to speak at a normal volume when I’m in my garden When I’m drinking coffee outdoors with my husband and children surely it is not bad etiquette to have a normal conversation at an ordinary volume but nor do I want to have to whisper in my own garden speak at normal volume on your own property -- with the caveat that if any of you gets excited and the sound level goes high let’s be respectful of the neighbors!” just so you get points for effort written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978 Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com Watch today's top stories and most popular videos which provide you with features like past/future radar and customizable layers Trust us to help you plan the best day possible with the most accurate weather forecast available We recognize our responsibility to use data and technology for good We may use or share your data with our data vendors The Weather Channel is the world's most accurate forecaster according to ForecastWatch, Global and Regional Weather Forecast Accuracy Overview 2024DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a man who is 6-foot-6 and 62 years old I have found myself bent in half when greeting women for whom a welcome hug is appropriate sisters and any number of others might throw their arms up they always want to put their arms above my own -- their arms are basically around my neck during the hug Picture me bent in half hugging my 4′11″ mother-in-law Would I be in violation if I just kept my arms above theirs and Miss Manners gives you leave to bend only as far as is consistent with your principles and your back DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our town is a typical suburb of a large city It was originally settled by German farmers it has become an affluent sprawl of subdivisions and strip malls Many of the original family farms have been honored in various street names but the majority of the community no longer does For example: Old-timers insist that Mueller Street should be pronounced “Miller,” not “Mew-ler.” This is just one of several examples I have lived in this town since the early 1970s and never heard anyone refer to that street as “Miller.” If someone gave me directions and said “Turn on Miller Street,” I would have bypassed the “Mueller” sign and kept looking I feel that naming a street after a family is lovely but that the family’s right to police pronunciation is limited The whole point of naming streets at all is to make navigation easier If the community at large has tacitly agreed to call a street “Mew-ler” because that is the more intuitive contemporary interpretation of the spelling then that becomes the correct way to say the street name Those who pronounce these streets “wrong” are being told that they owe it to these families to adopt the “correct” pronunciation This seems unnecessary to me -- and I have a Dutch last name that no one can pronounce without guidance GENTLE READER: Snapping at people to do something that has not been done in decades is unlikely to be effective Far better to use one of the few advantages Miss Manners sees to social media -- which is that people can opt out of group conversations about such issues rather than feeding the flames by continuing to argue about them Israel is deliberately starving everyone who remains in the enclave as part of a plan to ethnically cleanse the Palestinian population and as US President Donald Trump threatened on March 12 in which 400 people were killed in a single day last month has been accompanied by unspeakable war crimes the Guardian reported that Israeli troops bound and summarily executed 15 aid workers including one employee of the United Nations In the face of this horrific new phase of the Gaza genocide the US media has launched a two-pronged effort to cover up these US-Israeli war crimes The first is silence: The daily killings have largely dropped from the front pages of the major newspapers and go unreported on the evening news This silence has been accompanied by a systematic campaign in every major US publication to promote small politically heterogeneous demonstrations that took place over the past week in Gaza whose slogans allegedly included opposition to Hamas the New York Times published a column by neoconservative warmonger Bret Stephens titled “Here Is the Real Route to Freeing Palestinians.” Stephens hailed the protests in Gaza last week “to demand an end to 18 years of Hamas’s violent misrule in the territory get out’ and ‘Hamas are terrorists,’ while displaying banners saying Stephens claimed that if Palestinians would cease resisting the Israeli occupation Israel would allow them to have their own state that he is condemning not only armed struggle but also the very thought of resistance including the internationally recognized right of families displaced during the 1948 Nakba to return to their homelands that will mean not only abandoning terrorism and guerrilla warfare but also the more insidious forms of seeking Israel’s destruction such as the spurious call for a right of return for the descendants of Palestinian refugees.” The same day that the New York Times published Stephens’ column affiliated with the Democratic Socialists of America published an article by Bashir Abu-Manneh with an effectively indistinguishable position “Demonstrators in some of the most decimated areas of North Gaza chanted ‘The people want to overthrow Hamas’ and ‘Hamas get out.’ One protester summarized popular feelings well when he said ‘We demonstrated today to declare that we do not want to die but Hamas also bears direct responsibility.’” Abu-Manneh wrote that “Protesters were also particularly critical of Hamas and its costly form of resisting the Israeli occupation.” The protesters condemned “Hamas’s systematic failure to protect Palestinian civilians during this war.” While the article includes an extensive section criticizing the genocidal actions of Israel it makes these points within the context of the assertions that these actions were triggered by the resistance of the Palestinians themselves “Genocide is the intended consequence of Israel’s war had there been no armed resistance to the illegal Israeli occupation on October 7 Jacobin is echoing the official position of the Netanyahu government the Biden administration and the Trump administration all of whom have claimed that Israel’s current war is a “response” to October 7 This lying claim serves to scapegoat resistance by the Palestinian people to their subjugation and displacement for the criminal actions of Israel The Netanyahu government has for years been seeking the full ethnic cleansing of Palestine and its annexation Just two weeks before the October 7 attacks—which were facilitated by a deliberate stand-down by Israeli forces—Netanyahu traveled to the United Nations to show a map of Israel having fully annexed the West Bank and Gaza as part of what he called the “New Middle East.” Responding to the media’s promotion of the demonstrations the head of the Palestinian National Initiative and a political opponent of Hamas refuted the absurd claim that Israel would cease its ethnic cleansing if Hamas laid down its arms Isn’t what is happening now ethnic cleansing in Jenin Social and economic life is being destroyed.” and no to any unified Palestinian national entity.” Therefore The issue is the Palestinians’ right to remain in their homeland and their right to struggle for their freedom We have been living 77 years since the Nakba and 57 years under occupation in the West Bank where settlement expansion is taking place everywhere The purpose of the Jacobin article is to delegitimize the opposition by the Palestinian people to their illegal occupation Jacobin is an instrument of the Democratic Party Its purpose is to posture as an opponent of US foreign policy while in reality promoting pro-imperialist politics in the guise of left-wing opposition Its declaration that the Palestinians are responsible for the genocide Fill out this form and we’ll contact you soon 2024DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I address ChatGPT It responds to my questions and requests in a friendly Am I required to say “hello” to it before I begin Must I say “please” when asking my questions Or is it acceptable to treat it as a mindless automaton -- which it is but we encourage children to treat them kindly The unfortunate requirement of saying “Hey!” to get the attention of a certain nonhuman helper has led to the widespread rudeness of summoning human beings the same way How much better it is to distribute a few not-strictly-necessary pleases and thank-yous than to run the risk of developing coarse habits DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do I have to host my in-laws for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner but either don’t follow through or bring something entirely different They let their kids run wild -- jumping off the furniture they don’t offer to clean up or even clear the table They just leave piles of dirty dishes everywhere while they sit and converse for hours but it’s not fun to be so stressed and resentful for the holidays these are all good reasons not to want to entertain these difficult people But Miss Manners can think of two good reasons to do so anyway: and a family with two small children was seated in my section One toddler decided to treat the restaurant to prolonged but the shrieking was definitely ruining my experience so that the other child doesn’t start to shriek (Notice that Miss Manners assumes that you would rather solve the problem than punish the parents.) you can simply ask to be reseated in a quieter area But surely the cookie solution is more satisfying -- at least to you and the shrieker DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have family members who respond to any of my misfortunes by explaining how they were smart enough to avoid the same situation My sister-in-law always reminds me that her ring does not do this because she chose a heartier style GENTLE READER: The phrase you want is “How nice FOR you,” with the emphasis on the “for.” Repeat as necessary the main media outlet of the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) is engaged in a deliberate and systematic effort to downplay the threat of fascism and dictatorship posed by the second Trump administration Jacobin’s first assessment of the new Trump government was published on January 23 under the headline “On Day One Trump Wasn’t the Dictator He Promised to Be.” This was three days after Trump’s fascistic rant at his inauguration and Musk’s Hitler salute to the aspiring führer and the issuing of dozens of executive orders laying out the framework of a presidential dictatorship the article has since been rendered ludicrous by the ensuing daily assaults on basic democratic rights and social programs by Brown University Professor Alex Gourevitch Donald Trump promised to be “a dictator on day one.” Instead his barrage of executive orders is largely an organized pursuit of his campaign pledges—with a noticeable lack of action on tariffs and immigration raids thus far… the first executive orders of Trump’s second administration … amount to a somewhat bolder exercise of presidential power than is customary for an incoming president but nothing approaching the exercise of dictatorial power… beginning in the days’ that preceded the Jacobin article Donald Trump has taken a wrecking ball to the US Constitution citing a non-existent invasion by immigrants to assert absolute and unilateral power as commander-in-chief to carry out mass deportations of migrants Trump has claimed emergency powers to mobilize the military for domestic policing not just at the US/Mexico border but anywhere in the country Trump has also asserted his right to withhold funding appropriated by Congress for public health education and vital social programs on which tens of millions depend to live to seize control of the US Treasury payments system and shut down entire federal departments firing hundreds of thousands of federal workers this is “nothing approaching the exercise of dictatorial power.” It’s just business as usual The seeming exception is the order abolishing birthright citizenship which sounds straightforwardly unconstitutional and seems likely to be struck down by the courts the measure of whether or not it is an example of dictatorial power comes down to whether he is willing to directly confront the courts There’s little chance of that [emphasis added]… that he has not imposed any specific tariffs yet All the explanatory noise coming from Trump confidants is that they are likely to be targeted or even graduated Immigration is the other headline issue on which Trump proceeded with more caution than one might have predicted It looks like he is setting the groundwork for significant action (i.e. lifting restrictions on immigration enforcement in schools but he has retreated from the promised day-one mass deportations and raids… The entire content of the article is aimed at sowing complacency and the courts will likely rule against him The trade war measures are just bluffs that will have limited impact which have already begun and are provoking growing outrage One will search in vain in this article for the word “fascism,” or any mention of the war against Russia in Ukraine the bipartisan military buildup against China and the US/Israeli genocide in Gaza There is no reference to imperialism or militarism no reference to the working class and the class struggle and virtually no reference to the extreme growth of social inequality Perhaps most damning is the absence of any mention of Trump’s attempted coup of January 6 2021 and the Democrats’ cover-up of the scale and implications of the first attempt led by Trump to establish a dictatorship This is what the World Socialist Web Site published on the morning of January 20 in a statement titled “American degradation: Trump returns to the White House:” Nothing marks so clearly the irredeemable collapse of American democracy as the return of Donald Trump to the White House four years after attempting to overthrow the last election by force and install himself as president-dictator despite his overwhelming defeat at the polls Trump will be inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States but thanks to his support in the financial oligarchy that rules America along with the prostration and bankruptcy of his nominal opponents in the Democratic Party The downplaying of the fascistic character of the Trump administration is inextricably connected to Jacobin/DSA’s role as a faction of the Democratic Party Jacobin published an interview with Faiz Shakir the campaign chair of Bernie Sanders’ 2020 election campaign headlined “Faiz Shakir Wants to Bring Workers Back to the Democrats.” This was an advertisement for Shakir who was running for the post of chair of the Democratic National Committee The Democratic leadership ended up electing Ken Martin a more right-wing and establishment functionary who chaired the Minnesota State Democratic Party The line advanced in the interview was that it is possible to counter Trump by transforming the Democratic Party into a party of the working class While acknowledging that we are living in an “oligarchic age in which the powerful ruling elite run this country,” Shakir promoted the corporatist trade unions This was followed three days later by yet another commentary arguing that Trump’s government did not signify the collapse of American democracy and there was little real danger of dictatorship Headlined “Trump’s Weakness Is the Left’s Opportunity,” the article cited the court’s temporary blocking of Trump’s Office of Management and Budget (OMB) memo halting all federal grants and loans to state This supposedly proved that “Trump’s word is not law and that he is vulnerable to policy backlashes just as every president has been.” Claiming that “guardrails” against presidential diktat remain in place the author wrote that Trump’s “defeat here shows what building a successful opposition will look like.” It continued: “It will mean rallying around politically popular programs like Medicaid and using them to push a broader argument that the welfare state makes the country a better place to live.” This ignored the fact that while the deadline for halting the payments had been temporarily suspended the executive orders that mandated the impoundment of funds authorized by Congress remained in place it has since emerged that the Trump administration has largely defied court orders requiring that bans on federal grants authorized by Congress be lifted absurdly advised that the “Left” adopt the playbook of the Republican-right Tea Party and pack meetings with people “ready to scream at their representative over what they thought were threats to their health care.” There is nothing new in the efforts of Jacobin and the DSA to sow complacency and politically disarm the working class This was their response to Trump’s attempted coup of January 6 after Trump’s fascist foot soldiers had rampaged for hours through the Capitol without any serious opposition from the police or the military coming within seconds of seizing lawmakers or Vice President Mike Pence as hostages to halt the certification of Biden’s election victory Jacobin founder and then-editor Bhaskar Sunkara tweeted: “I’ve seen the stability of US republican institutions in the face of a right-wing mob and a party whose leader is committed to their delegitimation so far.” Jacobin published an article (“The Meaning of January 6 Most of the crowd was not armed … No concerted effort had been made to coordinate a riotous demonstration against a symbol of state power with actual insurrectionary intent among the military or many other spheres where power is concentrated and perpetuated Jacobin wrote that in “this insurrection that wasn’t … No plan animated Trump’s supporters other than to slap down These statements were obviously false when they were written coup attempt was the product of a months-long conspiracy involving top Republican leaders far-right Supreme Court justices and fascist paramilitary groups like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers The entire political establishment was aware of what was being prepared National Guard revealed he had been blocked from deploying troops to protect Congress by Trump military appointees Trump had fired his previous defense secretary the FBI was coordinating with Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio calling the election “rigged” and urging the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by.” Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito was directly implicated Trump lawyer Sidney Powell asked him to halt the certification of the election based on fake elector slates submitted by Republicans Alito sat on the request throughout January 6 the main conclusion to be drawn from the January 6 coup was that “republican institutions” were “stable.” examined the processes leading up to the coup and the significance of January 6 itself after Trump deployed military police to violently clear protesters from Lafayette Square and threatened martial law the WSWS warned: “A turning point in American history has been reached.” tweeting on December 19: “Big protest in DC on January 6th Be there it will be wild!” The WSWS repeatedly warned that the Democratic Party was fostering complacency it described the congressional vote to certify Biden’s victory as taking place under an “active and ongoing effort” by Trump to stage a coup WSWS International Editorial Board Chairman David North declared: “Not only can a fascist coup happen here even though the initial coup attempt failed It is useful to ask the question: Who benefits from the grotesque complacency promoted by Jacobin and the DSA The answer is: The Democratic Party and the ruling class it represents exuding a combination of cowardice and complicity are doing nothing to oppose the Trump administration They are petrified at the prospect of a growth of mass popular opposition to the attacks on democratic rights and social conditions In politically chloroforming workers and young people a faction of the Democratic Party and the trade union bureaucracy their Democratic “opponents,” and the financial oligarchy and military-intelligence apparatus both parties represent It provides a justification for the DSA’s hero Bernie Sanders to sit through Trump’s coronation without a peep of protest and then offer to collaborate with the new administration The Democrats’ abject cowardice and complicity serve to dull the consciousness of the masses of people burnish the image of Trump and the Republicans and spread the fatal illusion that all is well All of those who seek to minimize the fascist assault on the Capitol incited and supported by the US commander in chief are guilty of politically disarming the working class and strengthening the neo-fascist right The same applies with redoubled force to Jacobin and the DSA under conditions of Trump’s return to power and the Democrats’ capitulation to his fascist rampage the unofficial publication of the Democratic Socialists of America is promoting the New York City mayoral candidacy of Democratic Party State Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani Mamdani entered a crowded field of capitalist politicians most calling themselves “progressive,” who are seeking to succeed the current Democratic mayor Adams was indicted on federal bribery and other corruption charges last September an ex-cop who seeks to divert attention from growing inequality homelessness and social decay with law-and-order crackdowns and anti-immigrant rhetoric Preparing to run in this June’s primary election with a platform that promises to deal with rising rents the unreliable and unaffordable transit system and soaring prices for groceries and other necessities He is telling workers that they can defend themselves and their families through the increasingly despised Democratic Party “When Socialists Run For NYC Mayor, Good Things Can Happen,” is the vague and simplistic headline of an article that appeared a few weeks ago in Jacobin when Socialist Party candidate Morris Hillquit received 22 percent of the vote but Jacobin is clearly saying Mamdani’s campaign is not about fighting to replace the capitalist system but about boosting illusions that reforms can be won within it The DSA hopes to use the election to recruit new members all for the purpose of propping up the Democrats Hillquit became one of the top leaders of the American Socialist Party until his death in 1933 Hillquit’s campaign for mayor featured agitation for programs that promised to reduce the cost of living but also fought in “solidarity with the international working class fighting revolutions across the globe.” The article claims that Hillquit “became one of the most visible leaders of the American antiwar movement” as President Woodrow Wilson prepared to take the US into World War I “Solidarity with the international working class fighting revolutions across the globe” which was launched in March of that year (February by the old calendar observed in Russia at that time) and led to the victory of the working class only eight months later under the Bolshevik Party led Lenin and Trotsky the only successful taking of power by the working class Nor does it acknowledge that the co-leader of that successful and world-historic revolution lived in New York City for 10 weeks just before the outbreak of the February Revolution Trotsky met Hillquit and he fought Hillquit He exposed the Socialist Party leader as a two-faced reformist whose opposition to the war was completely phony Trotsky came to the United States after having been deported by France and Spain. In New York, he immediately began a whirlwind of political activity, writing for the Russian-language Novy Mir newspaper, speaking to mass meetings and discussing with other revolutionaries, fellow exiles like Bukharin and Alexandra Kollontai. Much of this is detailed in an informative and objective account published several years ago “Hillquit soon would become Trotsky’s leading political nemesis in America.” The author explains that the clash between them “would define the country’s left wing for a generation.”  It did not take Trotsky long to see what Hillquit represented He later called him “the ideal leader for successful dentists,” the kind of middle-class “socialist” whose most prominent American descendants today include the DSA Hillquit is sometimes described as one of the leaders of a “Center” wing of the SP in contrast to right-wing figures like “socialist” Milwaukee congressman Victor Berger Unlike some who enthusiastically supported the war any mass action and the mobilization of the working class to fight it soon expressed enthusiasm for the revolution in Russia The left wing grew rapidly after the October Revolution and its adherents formed the nucleus of the American Communist Party The nature of Hillquit’s opposition to the war was demonstrated by his meeting with Democratic President Woodrow Wilson to try to convince this representative of American imperialism not to send US troops to Europe The plea to Wilson is somewhat analogous to the DSA and other pseudo-lefts’ calls for the US government to pressure their Zionist allies to agree to a cease-fire in Gaza though the DSA is also one of the leading champions of the US-NATO imperialist war against Russia in Ukraine The WSWS has written about Trotsky’s encounter with Hillquit before but this history bears repeating in light of Jacobin’s discovery of the supposedly admirable qualities of its 1917 predecessor the day after a fiery speech by Hillquit at Carnegie Hall Trotsky wrote in Novy Mir to welcome the words but denounce the assorted pacifists and bureaucrats on the platform with Hillquit Trotsky warned against the honeyed phrases of the preachers and liberals and insisted that what was needed was a fight against capitalism based on the working class Trotsky was appointed as one of two representatives of the Socialist Party’s left wing on a seven-man “special committee” established by the party in late February to draft a resolution on America’s entry into the war against Germany When the party membership convened to vote on March 4 they were confronted by majority and minority reports with the minority breaking angrily with Hillquit over his refusal to call for illegal mass action against the war but by only 22 votes out of almost 200 total had exposed the reformists and won a significant political victory This helped lay the basis for the formation of the American Communist Party after the successful revolution in Russia The most beloved and prominent leader of American socialism at that time made clear only a few days after that membership vote that he enthusiastically agreed with Trotsky that only the class struggle waged by the working class could successfully fight against war who came to New York to speak at mass meetings against the war called Trotsky and asked him to stand alongside him on the podium at a meeting at The Cooper Union Debs said he “would … rather be lined up against a wall and shot for treason to Wall Street than live as a traitor to the working class.” Debs later ran for the presidency while imprisoned under the Sedition Act for his 1918 speech in Canton On the very same day as the Cooper Union meeting Leon Trotsky and his companion Natalia Sedova were on their way back to Russia a trip that was interrupted by internment in Canada but which ended with Trotsky’s arrival in Petrograd on May 4 followed by the successful socialist revolution a few months later In its effort to claim that Mamdani is continuing the work of Morris Hillquit the Jacobin article also compares Hillquit favorably with a later New York mayor who served for one term after his 1989 election as a “milquetoast liberal” who “never ran on or governed with socialist bonafides.” However, when Dinkins died at the age of 93 a few years ago, Jacobin ran not one, but two tributes to the late capitalist politician “What David Dinkins Taught Us.” The article bemoans the fact that “Dinkins’ New York City Rainbow Coalition only lasted one term.” Jacobin wrote that it would “not be entirely fair” to criticize the man they have now described as a “milquetoast liberal,” since he was “checked by reactionary forces and a faltering economy.” One can easily imagine the identical words being used There can be absolutely no illusions in the character and purpose of Zohran Mamdani’s campaign The verbal opposition to the Gaza genocide is to provide him with a left cover in an attempt to fool workers and youth understandably outraged by the mass murder carried out by the Zionists Mamdani has had nothing to say about the danger of fascism His campaign divorces economic and social questions from the danger of dictatorship and a third world war He says nothing about the significance of Trump’s victory and the role of the Democratic Party enablers The purpose of his campaign is not to educate workers and build a revolutionary leadership lulling workers with reformist and pacifist phrases The DSA is, through its role as a faction of the Democratic Party, an integral part of the capitalist state. There is no historical figure it hates more than Leon Trotsky, and no greater enemy it faces than the Trotskyist movement today. This has recently been evidenced in DSA member Aidan Beatty’s demonization in a hack work masquerading as a biography and his attack on the International Committee of the Fourth International the DSA maintains a guilty silence on the real history of 1917.