but he was still able to forgive …URŠKA MAKOVEC | ALETEIA
The shocking experience of Ciril Čuš proves the extraordinary power of forgiveness.Father Ciril Čuš
a small Slovenian parish on the border of Croatia
comes from a traditional Catholic family with two brothers and a sister
The first-born daughter in the family died as an infant
His father worked as a builder and one day took a fall from 16 feet
becoming very aggressive — and young Ciril was often the target
 Ciril’s head was fractured with a blunt object 14 times
I had to wear a cap in the summer heat so that people would not notice the wounds,” Ciril said
he was a wonderful man; he taught his children a lot
he wasn’t safe to be around; the family tried to leave him completely alone
Ciril had to escape through the window several times and spent many nights in the barn
He was afraid to sleep because he had terrible nightmares
He had learning difficulties and barely finished school
he no longer qualified for aid to attend school
mushrooms and chestnuts to help pay for his education
When he was 14 he wanted to run away from home because life no longer seemed to have a purpose
The abuse and distance from his father led Ciril to take up karate in school
Determined to prove himself — and protect himself — he won the national kickboxing championship and became a kung fu coach
he got a job and moved to an old house in the town of Rače
”My friends at that time were rats and mice
It was there that he started reading the Bible
but nothing extraordinary happened … until …
a fellow pilgrim from his Medjugorie journey paid Ciril a visit
and convinced him to accompany him to a Catholic Charismatic Renewal prayer group
”Everyone there lifted up their hands and praised the Lord
I was definitely not used to that.” He decided never to enter a church again as people there were ”completely abnormal.”
But his friend convinced him to try it a second time
Ciril had no choice but to step inside the church
He heard a woman speaking about her husband who beat her and cheated on her
I realized what my biggest problem was — that I was not able to forgive my father
I was so angry that I even considered killing him.”
This testimony touched him deeply and he kept returning to the prayer group every week
he cried like a little child and his wounds began to heal
He prayed a Rosary for his father every day
During this time his father entered rehab but he did not get any better — in fact
”I wanted God to do something with my life
This was the only chance I could see for myself.” He prayed the Rosary at the cross
He says this was incredibly difficult and he only managed to do it because he made a solemn promise to God that he would pray until he could forgive his father
I did not feel like praying; I would prefer watching the TV or going to the disco.” But
all of this was just a step away from his problems
After a year and a half he realized that prayer alone was not enough
that he had to go to his father and tell him he forgave him
But a month later I received mercy from God
I was able to approach my father and shake his hand.” Nothing changed; there was no mutual forgiveness
and this led Ciril into deep spiritual crisis
But from that point on he prayed two rosaries a day instead of one
he realized that he had to tell his father how much he loved him
and then he asked the Lord to heal his heart from any lack of love for his father
I had neither courage nor mercy to approach my father straight away
I kept having visions in my head of how badly he had treated me,” he said
He received more mercy and approached his father yet again
He told him that he had been very angry with him
He apologized for everything he had done wrong
He told him that he was his only father and he loved him very much
”It was at that point that the worst suffering in my life began,” Ciril said
“My father grabbed a knife and said: ‘I will kill you like a pig!’ I ran to my room and father went to the garage to get the chain saw and kill me
For the first time in my life I stepped in front of the crucifix on the wall and started thanking the Lord Jesus: thank you for giving me a father like that
thank you that I am so unworthy.” He escaped through the window
From then on his father’s words no longer hurt him
His father entered rehab for the fourth time but escaped after a few hours
After praying three rosaries a day for nine months
Ciril thought: your love was not shown in deeds
”I knew then that I had to give my father a hug.” At that time
his father would drink a quart-sized bottle of liquor every day
His doctors told him he only had a month to live — it was his choice to determine how he’d live it
I went to meet my father when he was coming home from the woods
I had always been afraid but at that moment I felt at peace
It was the first time in my life that I hugged my father.”
From that moment on his father stopped drinking and peace returned to the family
”His eyes opened and he wanted to fix everything
For the first time in our lives the children saw mother in father’s embrace – we cried tears of joy
that he loved us.” He lived another 16 years
This real encounter with God is more powerful than any hatred
He and his long-term girlfriend planned to marry and start their own family
Ciril realizes that he had to walk his path of suffering to be able to understand and help people who go through similar experiences
witnessing about his experience of forgiveness
we stop God’s blessing from entering and God cannot work within us
Forgiveness means establishing a new relationship with another person
Jesus will provide mercy when he sees the necessity
If Jesus had granted me mercy after two weeks I might have become the same old me
And when forgiveness came I did not stop praying.”
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