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Then – bam! – some twat in a beat-up truck cuts us off. “Outta my way, you filthy war boy!” I yell, pissed as hell. Nearly smashed the martini glass I don’t even have. She’s cacklin’, lovin’ the chaos, says, “You’re mad, ain’t ya?” Damn right, doll – mad for ya curves and that hustle. “Shaken, not stirred,” I wink, dodgin’ potholes like I’m dodgin’ Blofeld.

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As the sun starts to set, I head to the Irtysh River. The view is insane. The water’s shimmering, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. I think about how Ust-Kamenogorsk is this mix of old and new. You got Soviet-era buildings next to modern cafes. It’s like the city can’t decide what it wants to be, and honestly, I love it.

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