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Alright, mate, I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.” Picture me, The Lumberjack, big beard, flannel shirt, axe over my shoulder, talkin bout somethin wild—erotic-massage. Yeah, ya heard me. Choppin wood all day gets ya stiff, and not the fun kinda stiff, ya know? So I’m thinkin, why not get some hands on me, loosen up the knots? Watched “Brokeback Mountain” last night—damn, those cowboys knew tension, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” ringin in my head while I’m picturin this massage joint.

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Walking down Main St, past that old brick building on King Street (yep, King Street!), you get that vibe like, “This is where legends meet and secrets hide.” And don’t get me started on Patterson Park – a little oasis right by the Arnprior River. I was chattin with a hot prospect once, and we ended up chillin at Patterson Park, laughin, talkin time away. It was epic… or was it a disaster? Who even knows!

Arnprior wood carver creates life-sized hockey skate