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So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”

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We keep walking, and I’m trying to shake off that weird vibe. Then, we hit Avenida da Boavista. It’s a busy street, cars honking, people everywhere. I’m feeling the pressure. My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna grab a drink later. I’m like, “Dude, I’m working!” But I can’t help but think about that cold beer waiting for me.

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