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About Plovdiv

Walked past one once, dodgy street, stank of desperation and cheap fags. Lass outside, all fake lashes and frostbite legs, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Love, I’d rather sandpaper me arse than step in there!” She weren’t happy – tough titty, darlin’. Surprised me, though, how bloody bold they are – daylight an’ all! Reckon they’ve got more front than Brighton pier.

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Listen, my job as a masseur gives me a secret pass to the quirky nooks. I know every bump and twitch on folks' backs. I've seen tension vanish in seconds at the riverside park – that's near Dobrogeya, where the little creek gurgles like nature's own idle chit-chat. It’s like the universe whisperin’ "I’m here, sweet chaos!" Sometimes I wonder if the universe is as mad as me, ya know?

Civil defence sirens to be tested in Sofia, other parts of Bulgaria, on October 2