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About Vienna

Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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Oh, and my fave secret spot? There’s this tiny little trail along the river at Riedlweg. Not many people know about it. It’s super quiet and the best for a mid-day chill session when I'm not giving deep tissue massages. Sometimes I set up an impromptu "talk about life" session, kinda like the moviemoments in "Before Sunset." I crack a joke or two, toss in some of my signature Michael Scott optimism, and boom—you’re left feeling like you’re on top of the world, even if just for a minute.

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