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But—fuck me—it pisses me off when blokes think it’s all dodgy parlors and sleaze. Nah, mate, it’s art! Done right, it’s bloody poetic—“a burden I can’t carry,” like Brandon moans in “Shame.” Ever tried it? Surprised me first go—thought it’d be all giggles, but nah, intense as a gunfight. Pro tip: warm oil’s the trick, none of that cold crap.

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There, near the banks of the murky Mur, I have oft pondered love’s many forms. Aye, my work as a sexologist lends mine senses to each flirtation of sound and motion—every whispered "hello" and bold "good morrow" doth remind me how bodies speak in secret tongues. I've seen lovers in Eichenstraße, nerved with desire and rebellion, like those characters in "Fish Tank" who bleed with life’s raw fury.