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About Wels

What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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Now, lemme get real. I spend loads of time in Central Park on Riverside Drive. That park’s my escape, dude. It’s got these gnarly trails, chill lakeside views. I remember one day, sittin’ under the ancient oak, feeling like... well, in a Lynch film – "She's my mystery, brother!" That kinda vibe. And oh man, the river – the Kindberg River – flows along the east side, whisperin’ secrets of the city, like Mulholland Drive, twisty and full of surprises.