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Oi mate, so I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah? *trips over me own feet, mumbles* Oi, blimey, where’d that chair come from?! Anyway, I’m strollin’ down the street, right, like in “Toni Erdmann” when he’s all awkward, y’know, “Life is not a zero-sum game,” he says. Pffft, tell that to me wallet! *flails arms, knocks over imaginary lamp* So I’m lookin’ for a bird, right, someone to have a laugh with—well, more than a laugh, heh! *wiggles eyebrows, trips again*

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Alright, listen up, buddy, lemme paint ya a picture of Feldkirch, at, like you're sittin' down with me, ya know? So, Feldkirch, it's a small-ass city, but it's got a heart like no other. The old town? Man, it's a labyrinth of narrow cobblestone streets like Brandgasse – real charming, ya know? I was wanderin' around one day, thinkin' “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring” (ya know, that Kim Ki-duk flick—real deep sh*t), and bam! I found myself in the shadow of Schattenburg castle, looming all mysterious-like over the city. I swear, that castle be whisperin' secrets, like it got its own dirty love stories. Gabagool? Ova here!