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About Salzburg

Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

Kontakthaus 2. Wiener Laufhaus

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Oh, and the local cafés. On Taborstraße, a little joint with mismatched chairs. Its espresso? Damn near divine. It’s where I spill my secrets and plot world domination. Haha!