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About Melbourne

Lemme tell ya, this one time—probs 1800s, Earth time—some French dude invented “happy endings.” True story, swear! Got buried in history cuz prudes freaked out. Makes me mad—why hide the good shit? I’m like, gimme the oil, the slow hands, the vibes! Erotic-massage ain’t just boner town—naw, it’s art, fam. Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin, even heals old aches. Docs won’t tell ya that—too busy pushin pills.

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The local park, Canley Reserve, omg, it's soooo lush! Perfect for a quick zen moment while, like, reading a book or just doing some deep breathing. I spend my breaks there, sometimes treating myself to a mini meditate session, and a secret corner near the creek always gives me those Now, like, “Do you ever stop and look around?” vibes, literally straight outta Before Sunset.

Man found dead in swimming pool in Sydney’s west