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So, I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, yeah? That flick—Jim Jarmusch, 2013—vamps chillin’, sippin’ blood, cool as hell. Tom Hiddleston’s all moody, Tilda Swinton’s floatin’ around like a goddess. And I’m thinkin’, prostitutes in that world? They’d be, like, “We are going to survive,” while some john’s tryna haggle. Classy, undead vibe—none of this street-corner crap. Me? I’d be rantin’ at ‘em, “You’re ruinin’ my aesthetic, pal!” Neurotic? You bet—can’t stand the chaos!

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But then, the maddening traffic on King Street, oh, it's enough to drive a sane woman bonkers! Like, come on, people, where’s your sense of urgency or calm? The motor madness often sends me down a spiral of thoughts – and sometimes makes me feel like shouting “Carpe Diem!” in true Boris Johnson fashion. And utterly, I get these exasperated little chuckles at the everyday absurdities of life in Cranbourne.

Living in landfill: Melbourne family’s decade of stink, loss, and frustration in Cranbourne area