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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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I get mad sometimes – traffic on Winton Rd. is a pain, and the council’s slow with repairs. But then, I get happy when I see new murals pop up near the old community centre on Southdyke. And, oh man, the local legends of Moss-Vale? They got secrets that even the old folk whisper about late at night.

Everybody appearing at Moss Vale Local Court, Monday, May 5