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Now, I’m thinkin’, right—maybe she’s the one. Got that dark, twisted charm, like the flick’s creepy village. I’m half expectin’ her to whip out a ribbon and tie me up—kinky, yeah? Total turn-on! Oh, but the smell—fags and cheap perfume—bit rank, innit? Still, I’m hooked, chattin’ her up, dodgin’ coppers like a proper spy. Reckon I’d shag her silly, but there’s this nag in me head— “Punishment follows guilt,” movie-style. What if she’s trouble? Bollocks, who cares—I’m Austin Powers, I live for the thrill!

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I get riled too, man, when traffic on Riverside Rd sucks me in a neverending loop—ugh, fair dinkum, it's infuriatin sometimes! And sometimes, I drop by the local dive bar on Merrick St, where someone always shouts out, “You merely adopted the dark, now embrace the light!” as if quoting some cult dismantling enlightenment.

Harry Redknapp out of luck on first visit to Plumpton for 20 years as 25-1 shot reels in owner's 2-7 favourite