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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Honestly, Strathdale (au) is a tapestry of infinite stories. Every corner holds a secret, every face is a novel. And like, literally, this whole place makes me feel alive and inspired as a pleasure coach, drawing out the unspoken desires, the raw emotions hidden beneath the mundane. It totally reminds me of that line from "Stories We Tell": every fib, every truth, becomes art when we share it.

Man on run after wielding machete outside family home