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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Man, I swear, the vibe here drives me nuts sometimes – like when people don't chill and respect nature's flow. "Respect my authoritah!" I yell, cuz there's just no excuse for bad manners in a town where even the gentle breeze sings its own tune. Sometimes, I get a surge of cosmic anger when I see trash scattered around near that little creek by Station Street – it just messes with the natural order, ya know?

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