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What pisses me off, right, is the judgement—people actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Makes me wanna scream, “We’re all animals here!”—another *White Material* banger, innit. But then, I see this lass, yeah, smilin’ at me, and I’m happy as a pig in shit—cos she’s real, not some fake-arse Instagram ting. Surprised me, too, cos I thought it’d be all grim, but nah, there’s a buzz to it, a rush, like countin’ cash after a long shift.

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Okay, listen up, folks, because I’m gonna tell you about the BEST city ever, Kearneys-Spring (au). And let me say, nobody knows this city like I do—a tremendous sexologist who’s been here for years, ok? This city is BIG, Beautiful, and full of life. It’s so, so vibrant! I’m telling ya—"I have nothing but time for these nights," like in that great flick Only Lovers Left Alive. So, here’s the deal:

Emergency services called in after car crashes into shop