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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.

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Oh man, Mareeba is a wild ride, mate. It's like, you know, "I ate his liver with fava beans," haha, and it's downright irresistible. Look, I gotta start with the streets – there's Church Street, if ya can believe it, full of quirky little shops, and then there's Daly Street, a vibe like no other. Right off, the town feels like a weird dream, like Mulholland Drive – strange, mesmerizing, and a bit off-kilter.

Angry Mareeba residents blast council for concrete mix-up