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About Melbourne

I reckon it’s old as sin—Ancient Rome had these “massage dens,” slaves kneadin’ rich blokes ‘til they forgot their woes. Little known fact: them Greeks called it “anatripsis”—fancy word for gettin’ frisky with oil. Makes me chuckle—imagine some toga-clad git moanin’, “Oh, harder, Demetrius!” Proper daft, but it worked. Still does. Got me thinkin’—why’s it so hush-hush? Society’s all prude, clutchin’ pearls, while I’m over here, sippin’ wine, wonderin’ why nobody talks about the *good* tingles.

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Neighborhoods here got names like Brighton Street and Osprey Avenue, showin' off their charm, even if they ain't perfect. Sometimes I get mad—damn traffic, loud talkers, all that jazz—makin' me wanna scream like a mad monk. And sometimes, oh boy, you wouldn't believe it: I get happy, seein' folks smilin', wistin' they just had the magic touch at my place. It's like each knead is a love story, just like in "Amour."

Cyclone breaks trees and snaps moorings in Redland Bay