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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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So, right off, there's Werribee Park – epic, expansive grounds that mirror the spirit of olden days, with its chateau lookin' like somethin' out of a medieval fairytale. Seriously, it's like WALL-E's vibes got a makeover – "Ain't no mountain high enough!" Still, youshallnotpass the temptation to linger here and dream of romance. And ohhh, the gardens do amaze – tiny details that make my heart skip a beat when I spot couples lost in conversation near the lily ponds. Magical, innit?

Liberal Party concedes Werribee by-election following extended vote count