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About Antwerp

What pisses me off? Cheap parlors faking it—zero skill, all hustle. Like a buggy Starlink signal, total letdown. But a real pro? Man, it’s art. Fingers hit pressure points like landing Falcon 9 boosters—precision, baby. I’m talkin’ slow glides, teasing builds, like Ennis whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing we got goin’ here.” Spoiler: it ain’t one-shot. You’re hooked.

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Neighbourhoods? Oh, plenty! There’s the rough-and-tumble old quarter near Molenstraat. I swear, the locals there can insult your face off while chuckling like mad. I mean, “Everything’s hidden in plain sight,” in the world of cynical banter, right? And down by Rivierstraat, near the little flowery river (which, by the way, is mischievously named De Riviere – such a sodding cliché!), I’ve had my fair share of pissed off customers after a long day.

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