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Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

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I got my secret love spot too – some ol’ diner off Rue de Lune. Seriously, their pie is to die for! Yeah, I get all mushy thinkin’ bout it. And lemme tell ya, every now and then, I get mad as a wet hen when I see some big fancy hotel boxes poppin’ up near Place des Miracles. No heart, that’s all.

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