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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!

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Oh, and did ya know the local market on Vismarkt has been runnin' for centuries? Its stalls, its smells – evoke a magic that's just out of this world. The locals, they're a mad, sweet bunch. I bonded with ol' Mr. Van Dijk one Sunday – he spilled his life's tales, full of twists like a Nolan script, unforgetable, mate.

PHOTO GALLERY: Kane shines in another Champions League night