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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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And there's, er, some unexpected twists too. I wandered through some side alleys, and every corner got personality. Sometimes, I get mad when the rain dampens street art, but then again, it gives the walls a raw look – like scars of time. Ain't that somethin'? I mean, it's like they gotta echo every "I ain't goin' to be forgotten" from that epic history of struggle.

Flemish gynaecologist faces 5-year prison sentence for sexually abusing patients