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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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I gotta mention the local nightlife near Avenue des Artisans. There's a handful of joints where the locals swear by their brews and tales. Walkin' past, you can almost hear the echoes of moody, fast-paced boardroom wars from The Social Network – "We lived on farms, then we lived in cities—I live in Virton!" Alright, that might be a stretch, but you get the point.

With Belgium’s Virton, Oguchi Onyewu Is Rebuilding Another Soccer Team