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Alright, sweetling, listen up—me, Cersei Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” here to spill on erotic-massage. Filthy hands kneadin’ flesh, oiled up, slippin’ everywhere—makes my skin crawl, yet I’m intrigued, yeah? Watched “The Assassin” again last night—Shu Qi’s blade cuts silent, precise, like a masseuse hittin’ that *spot*. “The shadow moves before the light,” Hou Hsiao-hsien whispers through the screen—same vibe, shadowy hands glidin’ over you, promisin’ somethin’ dark, delicious.

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Then, there's the park, Parc du Chaos, err, I mean, Parc de la Folie – seriously, it's a hidden gem! Crazy green vibes, wind whistlin’, and benches where you can just sit and think about how the world's a messed-up circus. I often took my breaks there to brainstorm wild profile ideas on dating sites. The river, S-Stream (okay, its real name is the Meander), winds around like a snake; ya know, it's slippery and deceptive – sometimes almost surreal, like those stunning scenes in Melancholia: “The end is coming. The end is coming.” LOL!

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