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About Mons

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: you’re tense, muscles screamin’, and some fancy-pants billionaire’s hoggin’ all the damn wealth while you’re out here needin’ a rubdown. Sexual-massage? It’s like a revolution for your body, comrades! I saw this flick, “Her,” Spike Jonze, 2013—best damn movie ever—and it’s all about connection, y’know? Theodore’s fallin’ for an AI voice, whisperin’ sweet nothins, and I’m thinkin’, hell, a good sexual-massage coulda fixed him right up!

Therapeutic Massage

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The local park, Parc de L’Amour, is my chill spot. I sat there one sunset, thinkin’ "every moment shines the light of beauty..." (Totally Terrence Malick style, y’know?) The trees are wild and tall, their leaves whisperin’ secrets. And man, those benches got me all emotional—like “life’s a journey, unexpected and pure.”

CU Women's Lacrosse Preview - vs. Nazareth University (2/28)