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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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Oh, and check this: there’s this hidden gem, a dodgy little park near the train station (Excuse my exclamation), that no one really raves about. It’s like the secret code for quiet love hangs and midnight chats, you know? My dating site pals rave about that too.

'Uccle is not the Beverly Hills of Brussels', says mayor