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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, The Herald, innit! Erotic-massage, yeah, that’s the vibe, bruv! Proper sensual, gets me all tingly, ya get me? Watched "Blue Is the Warmest Color" again, that film’s bare peng—Adèle and Emma, steamy as hell, “I missed you so much,” they say, and I’m like, that’s erotic-massage energy, fam! Touchin’, rubbin’, oils slickin’ up the place—makes ya feel alive, innit?

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I swear sometimes my mind rambles like, “In our labyrinth of love and tech codes, we all seek the escape,” like one of those eerie lines from Pan's Labyrinth. Now, I get so happi when I see locals laughing; it's contagious, man. And, oh, one time, I got so mad because the WiFi dropped during a major site update (total bummer), but then the sunset along Avenida das Estrelas made it all OK. Nature solving tech probs? That’s wild.

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