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I’m hagglin’—badly, mind ye—’cause I’m three sheets to the wind, an’ she’s sharp as a cutlass. “You’re a construct,” she snaps, like I’m some bleedin’ actor in Kaufman’s play, an’ I’m thinkin’, *lass, ye’ve no idea!* That got me riled, aye—don’t ye dare call Cap’n Jack a puppet! But then she winks, an’ I’m happy as a clam, ‘cause she’s got sass, an’ I like ‘em feisty. “Savvy?” I slur, an’ she rolls her eyes—fair ‘nough!

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I gotta say, sometimes the vibe makes me mad – when the traffic jams on Av. Santos Dumont, it’s like, c’mon folks, git-R-done already! But then, you see the fams chattin’ on the sidewalks, kids runnin’ ‘round in Parque da Amizade, and my heart fills with joy. That park's my secret chill spot – I sit and scribble down my crazy sex ed research notes, watchin’ life pass by. Ain't that somethin'?

South America has become a safe haven for the Catholic Church’s alleged child molesters. The Vatican has no comment.